The Beautiful Chaos of Raising Kids

I have four children ranging in age from 16 to 1. Here's what I've learned.

There are plenty of parenting books that promise to teach you how to raise happy, well-adjusted, confident children. I have a different theory.

Most of us are just trying to keep the kids alive, somewhat clean, reasonably polite, and from eating snacks for dinner three nights in a row.

And honestly? That counts!

Because raising kids sounds adorable when you say it out loud.

“I want to be a mom.”

You picture family movie nights, bedtime stories, little hands holding yours, and everyone laughing together in the kitchen. Nobody tells you that there will also be someone screaming because you cut their sandwich into squares instead of triangles.

Or that you will spend approximately 47 minutes looking for a missing shoe while your child stands directly beside it saying, “I can't find it.”

Parenthood is beautiful.

It is also completely ridiculous.

The Never-Ending To-Do List

Before kids, I genuinely thought I was busy.

That was cute.

Now, I can clean the kitchen and somehow the kitchen is dirty again before I've even put the cleaning supplies away.

There are dishes. Always dishes. I don't know where they come from.

I suspect they're multiplying overnight.

And laundry? Forget it.

Thankfully three of mine do their own laundry, but I swear I would feel lost without the noise of the washer or dryer which seem to be constantly running in my house (yay, electric bill!)

Someone always needs something for school. It's 9:17pm on a Sunday night and suddenly we're scrambling to find some random thing they need for school the next day that they just so happened to forget about all weekend.

In my house, there's debate tournaments, sport practices, football games, band concerts, and trips to the playground. I use a separate email for everything school-related because every single teacher feels the need to email about something every single day.

Kids Are Hungry Every Seven Minutes

Seven minutes might even be stretching it.

I don't know how small humans can consume this much food.

You can feed them a complete meal.

Chicken. Vegetables. Fruit. Milk. Maybe even something that resembles a balanced dinner.

Twenty minutes later:

“I'm hungry.”

You offer them the food they just ate.

Suddenly, they have apparently never seen a banana in their entire life.

So you make toast.

Then they don't want toast.

They want a snack.

Not that snack.

The other snack.

The one you don't have.

And somehow this becomes an emotional crisis.

Meanwhile, you're standing in the kitchen eating the leftover crust from their sandwich because you haven't had time to make yourself lunch.

Mom life.

Raising Kids Means Repeating Yourself Until the End of Time

I sometimes wonder how many times I've said the same things.

“Put your shoes on.”

“Brush your teeth.”

“Stop climbing on that.”

“Get down.”

“Don't touch that.”

“Where is your backpack?”

“Did you flush?”

“Why is there a sock in the refrigerator?”

You get the idea.

You can say something seventeen times and somehow your child will look at you like you're speaking an ancient language.

Then, occasionally, you whisper:

“Okay, we're leaving.”

And suddenly everyone can hear you.

Apparently children have selective hearing with surround sound.

The Mom Guilt Is Real

And then there's the part nobody prepares you for:

The guilt.

Am I spending enough time with them?

Am I being too strict?

Am I not strict enough?

Should we eat healthier?

Should I play with them more?

Should I limit screen time?

Should I be more patient?

Should I have made that craft I saw on Pinterest?

Should I be doing more?

The answer, according to the internet, is apparently yes.

There is always something we're supposed to be doing better.

But here's what I'm learning:

Our kids don't need a perfect mom.

They need their mom.

They need the person who kisses their forehead when they're sick.

The person who listens to the very long story about something that happened at school.

The person who finds the lost stuffed animal.

The person who shows up.

The person who occasionally loses her mind because someone spilled an entire cup of juice on the freshly cleaned floor—and then comes back five minutes later and apologizes.

That's motherhood.

Not perfection.

Presence.

The Ordinary Moments Are the Ones I'll Miss

I think the hardest part of raising kids is knowing how quickly it all changes.

One day you're carrying them everywhere.

Then they're running.

Then they're talking nonstop.

Then they're asking questions you aren't emotionally prepared to answer.

Then they're independent.

And somewhere in between the dirty laundry, the grocery store meltdowns, the crumbs in your car, and the bedtime negotiations, they're growing up.

That's why I'm trying to appreciate the ordinary stuff.

The morning cuddles.

The ridiculous jokes.

The little voices calling for Mom from another room.

The random drawings.

The sticky fingerprints.

Even the 9:00 p.m. request for water when I have already tucked everyone into bed three separate times.

Okay.

Maybe I don't appreciate that one quite as much.

But someday, I probably will.

You Don't Have to Love Every Minute

Here's something I wish more moms said out loud:

You can love your kids more than anything in the world and still be completely exhausted by parenting.

You can be grateful and overwhelmed.

You can adore them and desperately need five minutes alone.

You can miss your old life and love your current one.

Those things can exist at the same time.

Being a good mom doesn't mean you're happy every second.

It doesn't mean your house is spotless.

It doesn't mean your children eat organic vegetables at every meal.

It doesn't mean you never yell.

It doesn't mean you have endless patience.

It means you keep showing up.

Again.

And again.

And again.

So, What Does It Really Take to Raise Kids?

A ridiculous amount of snacks.

A sense of humor.

Coffee.

Patience you didn't know you had.

The ability to function on interrupted sleep.

The willingness to watch the same movie approximately 900 times.

And a whole lot of love.

Because at the end of the day, raising kids isn't about creating some picture-perfect childhood.

It's about creating a childhood where they know they are loved.

Where they feel safe.

Where they know home is a place they can come back to.

And hopefully, where they have enough funny stories to tell their therapist someday.

We're all figuring it out as we go.

Some days we absolutely nail it.

Some days we hide in the bathroom eating chocolate.

And some days we do both.

That's motherhood.

Messy, exhausting, hilarious, beautiful motherhood.

And honestly?

I wouldn't trade it.

Now, if someone could just please explain where all these socks are coming from.