Mom Self-Care: Because You’re a Person Too (Yes, Really!)

There was a time when “self-care” meant things like getting my nails done, meeting a friend for lunch, or maybe spending an entire Saturday doing absolutely nothing.

Then I became a mom.

Now sometimes self-care means eating my own snack before someone asks me for a bite.

Or taking a shower in peace and quiet.

Or sitting in the car for an extra three minutes after I pull into the driveway because no one is asking me where their shoes are.

If you know, you know.

Motherhood has a funny way of making you incredibly aware of everyone else's needs while becoming almost impressively talented at ignoring your own.

Is everyone fed? Yep.

Water bottles filled? Check.

Backpacks packed? Probably.

Permission slip signed?

Wait. What permission slip?

Meanwhile, you’ve reheated the same cup of coffee three times, haven't gone to the bathroom alone since 2019, and can't remember the last time you did something simply because you wanted to.

And somehow, taking 30 minutes for yourself feels selfish.

Mama, we need to talk about that.

Somewhere Along the Way, “Mom” Became Our Entire Identity

Before kids, I had hobbies.

I had spontaneous plans.

I could leave the house with nothing but my purse.

Remember that?!

Now leaving the house can feel like preparing a small expedition.

Snacks. Water bottles. Extra clothes. Wipes. Someone's emotional-support stuffed animal that absolutely cannot be forgotten even though they haven't cared about it for six months.

And in the middle of keeping all these tiny humans alive, loved, fed, dressed, entertained, educated, and somewhat socially acceptable, it is incredibly easy to lose sight of you.

Not Mom You.

Not Wife You.

Not Chauffeur You.

Not Finder-of-Things-That-Are-Literally-Right-In-Front-of-Everyone You.

You, you.

The woman who existed before motherhood and still exists underneath the schedules, grocery lists, and approximately 47 daily requests for snacks.

That woman still deserves some attention.

Self-Care Doesn't Have to Be a Spa Day.

I love a massage as much as the next woman, but one of the biggest misconceptions about self-care for moms is that it needs to be some big luxurious event.

It doesn't.

Sometimes it's going to Target alone.

Sometimes it's sitting outside with your coffee before everyone wakes up.

Sometimes it's saying, “I'm going upstairs for 30 minutes. Please pretend I don't exist unless something is actively on fire.”

And sometimes self-care is simply recognizing that you're exhausted and going to bed instead of folding the laundry. The laundry will still be there tomorrow. Trust me. It's incredibly loyal!

I Used to Think Taking Time for Myself Was Selfish.

I think a lot of moms fall into this trap.

There is always something you could be doing.

You could clean the kitchen.

You could answer that email.

You could organize the closet.

You could meal prep.

So when you finally get an hour to yourself, there's this little voice saying:

“Shouldn't you be doing something productive?”

Here's what I've learned:

Taking care of yourself is productive.

Because when I continually put myself at the bottom of the list, eventually everyone gets the version of me that has absolutely nothing left to give.

And she's...not my favorite version.

She's irritated by socks on the floor.

She's personally offended when someone asks what's for dinner.

And if somebody says “Mom?” one more time, she may consider legally changing her name.

I don't want to live permanently at that level of depletion.

And I don't think we're supposed to.

Your Family Doesn't Need a Martyr.

We sometimes get this idea that being a good mom means giving everything to everyone all the time, but our kids don't need us to disappear into motherhood.

They need to see us living, too.

I want them to see me laughing with my friends.

I want them to see me pursue goals.

I want them to know that sometimes Mom needs quiet.

And I want them to understand that loving your family doesn't mean abandoning yourself.

Because someday, I hope they'll build lives of their own.

And I don't want them believing exhaustion is proof that they're doing life correctly.

Start With the Question: “What Do I Need?”

This sounds ridiculously simple.

But when was the last time you actually asked yourself?

Not:

What needs to get done?

Not:

What does everyone else need?

But:

What do I need today?

Maybe you need movement.

Maybe you need sleep.

Maybe you need to call your best friend and have a conversation with someone who doesn't begin every sentence with “Mom.”

Maybe you need an hour alone.

Maybe you need to get dressed, do your hair, and remember that you own clothes that aren't leggings.

Or maybe you need the leggings.

I support both.

The point isn't what your self-care looks like.

The point is that you start listening to yourself again.

Stop Waiting for Life to Calm Down

I used to think there would eventually be a less busy season.

After this week.

After this school year.

After this sports season.

After the holidays.

After summer.

And then I realized something mildly inconvenient:

This is life.

There's always going to be something.

If I wait until everyone else's needs are handled and my calendar magically opens up, I'll be waiting approximately forever.

So now I believe self-care has to happen inside real life.

Not in some imaginary future where the laundry is folded, everyone loves what I made for dinner, and nobody has anywhere to be.

That woman sounds lovely.

I've never met her.

Put Yourself on the Calendar

One of the simplest things you can do is stop treating your time as the first thing that gets sacrificed.

If your kids' activities make the calendar, your needs can make the calendar too.

Schedule the lunch with your friend.

Schedule the hair appointment.

Schedule an hour where nobody needs anything from you.

And yes, sometimes things will come up. That's motherhood.

But there's a huge difference between occasionally moving something for yourself and never scheduling yourself in the first place.

You Are Allowed to Want More Than Survival Mode

This is really what the ModernMamaMethod means to me.

I don't want motherhood to feel like one giant checklist I'm desperately trying to complete before collapsing into bed.

I want to actually enjoy my life while I'm living it.

I want energy.

I want goals that excite me.

I want to laugh.

I want to be present with family without fantasizing about checking into a hotel alone for 48 hours.

(Although, to be clear, that still sounds delightful).

The ModernMamaMethod is about creating a version of motherhood where taking care of yourself isn't something you squeeze in once you're completely depleted.

It's simply part of how you live.

Because you aren't just the person responsible for everyone else's life.

You're still building yours.

So Here's Your Challenge -

Sometime today, ask yourself one question:

What is one thing I could do this week that would make me feel more like me?

Don't overthink it.

Maybe it's coffee alone.

Maybe it's dinner with girlfriends.

Maybe it's reading for 20 minutes.

Maybe it's going to bed early.

Maybe it's wandering around Target with absolutely no agenda whatsoever.

Pick something.

Put it on the calendar.

And when the inevitable mom guilt shows up and whispers that you should be doing something for someone else instead, remind yourself:

Taking care of me is part of taking care of my family.

And then go drink your coffee while it's still hot, you rebel.